If Toxic Future Ran For Mayor of Atlanta

The race to be Atlanta’s next mayor is still heating up.

Sure, we’re all distracted by the Hawks blowing everybody’s minds with their post-season NBA Playoffs performance, but while we’re cheering on Trae Young, there are surely more potential candidates who are quietly considering shooting their mayoral shot — usual suspects, folks who fit the traditional bill, and maybe even a few crazy folks to keep things ridiculous and keep newspapers in business.

This made us wonder. Is there a dark horse candidate out there who connects with the people, even if it’s in ways that might not be exactly what Atlanta wants to hear? Is there a hero in these uncertain times who Atlanta can rally behind, even if they speak to us in a way that isn’t a recognized love language? And even if we don’t really like everything about this candidate — and we definitely can’t tell if they really love us — is there a leader who we can always trust to be the same, for better or worse?

Maybe there is. Maybe real ATLiens want real, down-to-Pluto politicians. Maybe voters should have a Dirty Sprite and a smile. Maybe the candidate Atlanta deserves is…Toxic Future.

Hear us out: the man seems to have a platform. He’s always working on messaging to make sure he stays in the race. And when you think about it, Toxic Future’s long campaign for Atlanta’s love at least proves that when it comes to leading with love, he’s got thoughts, or at least thots.

Here’s a list of real issues confronting the city right now, and the positions we think potential mayoral candidate Future Hendrix would take in order to win the confidence of his Atlanta constituents.

Toxic Future on Crime 

Toxic Future on Affordable Housing

Toxic Future on Education

Toxic Future on Infrastructure

Toxic Future on Nightlife

Toxic Future on Buckhead

Toxic Future on Income Inequality

Toxic Future on MARTA expansion

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Look mane, leadership, like love, is complicated. But whoever you like as a candidate in this year’s Atlanta mayoral election, make sure it’s someone who earns your vote and is someone you believe can be trusted to keep Atlanta turnt. The future doesn’t have to be toxic, even if Future sometimes is.

And all jokes aside, Election Day for the 2021 Atlanta mayor’s race is Tuesday, November 2. Get registered ASAP if you haven’t already! And if young Keisha don’t trust you…