Hey Butter.ATL: You think Atlanta’s going back on lockdown or nah?

Remember that whole “We back outside” thing, before the delta variant of COVID crashed the party? Welp, it’s a new day, and things might not be as permanent as folks made it seem back then. The Rona isn’t over. 

Does that mean we’re heading back to lockdown for sure? Of course not. You do know how this has been going with mandates and lockdowns in Georgia and the south, right? 

But anything’s possible, especially when you consider all the signs we’re receiving at the moment. And they’re a bit confusing, between the “mask on, mask off” of it all.

So let’s look at what we’re looking at. 

Here’s a quick summary of the situation:

Atlanta Public Schools have instituted a mask mandate.

The CDC wants everybody to wear masks indoors again — even your fully or half-vaccinated ass.

Joe Biden is now requiring federal employees to get vaccinated, or deal with a bunch of not-fun consequences.

Oh, and this is all because:

The delta variant of COVID is not only spreading quickly, but is turning unvaccinated folks into superspreaders who it is believed are causing breakthrough cases of COVID among the vaccinated. 

That’s not great! 

But what does it mean for us here in ATL, and specifically, you?

Well sure, it means we’re in a bit of a gray area, and we may just be panicking and scaring you unnecessarily. But it might also mean it’s not a bad idea to be prepared, or at least more ready than you were back in February 2020. Sure, there are lots of reasons to believe Atlanta won’t go back into mandatory lockdown, but believing something very possible can’t happen gets people in trouble all the time. 

So, like, what should you do? 

We have suggestions…

Get that Costco card you’ve been sleeping on

This isn’t sponsored content; it’s just reality. It might be time to stock up, particularly on stuff that might be more difficult to find later. You know, toilet paper, chicken wings, the essentials. Also, masks were on sale last week! You might find them cheap for the next few days.

Get a fitness/ nutrition plan together

Look, you’re beautiful, whether you somehow got in better physical shape during last year’s lockdown or you got “Quarantine Thick.” But this isn’t about you getting sexier; it’s about you staying healthy. Got that Peloton money? Go for it! Current financial commitments (aka “I ain’t got it right now”) restricting your budget? Consider walking, stretching, pushups and situps, and you can always find/buy/make/steal a jump rope. And if you want to eat something full of carbs, do you! But remember to balance it out later. You can’t know true love if your heart isn’t healthy.

Make the most of your living space

Home improvement was big last time, but of course the law of supply and demand meant that the available amount of lumber and other materials got low at Home Depot and Lowe’s, while the prices went sky high. So if there’s anything you’ve wanted to do, renovation-wise, you probably wanna hit Lowe’s or Home Depot ASAP. Same with plants! And it’s always nice to support Black-owned businesses (you know August is National Black Business month), so maybe hit up Botanical Safari in Douglassville, or maybe Royal Petals ATL on MLK, which has a gift basket that comes with a potted plant or succulent, and a bottle of Uncle Nearest whiskey. Speaking of which…

Get your stash right

Some things are harder to come by, for reasons that still relate to supply chain challenges but also have specific other things going on that we don’t need to get into today. Some spirits were hard to find for a minute, so stock up on stuff like Campari, your favorite rare bourbon or whatever you stopped having now, just in case. And you already know somebody that can help with your herbal relaxation regimen and mental health supplements. Handle that, player. 

Evaluate your relationship

Do you really love that beautiful lady? Do you even know that man? Did you even mean to let it get this far? Are they just good enough to ride it out through the winter? These are important questions that you might regret not asking yourself before the choices get slim because everybody’s masked up again now, and some people look way cuter until you see what they’ve got goin’ on in the grill area. Nobody asks people who miss dentist appointments “what that mouf do.” Maybe spend this weekend checking folks out while you can still inspect their flosswork. Also, remember Cuffing Season is coming, and you may have let those credit cards expire, so check your Tinder/BLK/Bumble/Grindr/eHarmony accounts before all the goods are out of stock!

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Remember the kids 

Two things here: one for the parents and one for the unchilded. Figure out who is a trustworthy babysitter if you didn’t already have one last year, and bribe them into staying responsible enough to be an emergency kid guardian. Also, make a plan for your seeds to avoid getting weird when you’re WFH, if you’re still on the clock but OOO. Create a schedule, and stick to it! Now, let’s say you don’t have children. Do you want them? Be VERY thoughtful about your answer; there are quite a few pandemic babies lurking in these weekly Zoom meetings, and most of them are too new to even expect good home-training. Family planning is your friend! Also, condoms! Get those too. 

And finally, for now…

Strongly consider getting vaccinated

Don’t look at it like the vaccine doesn’t work, so why get one anyway. Look at it like the vaccine is saving people from being sicker or less-alive than they’d be without it, because that’s what the data is telling us. And lots of people — more than half the country, have had at least one shot, and nobody’s grown a tail so far, unless we’re talking about those of us who got Quarantine Thick-er (it’s just more of you to love). 

Really, if you have questions, look to credible sources and make an intelligent decision for yourself. “Back Inside” seems like a terrible song to dance to, and we don’t want to look back and realize too late that we missed our chance to beat COVID once and for all. At least give it serious thought before you just decide you’re not gonna do something that may very well save your own life. 

But hopefully this was all just an unnecessary exercise in precaution! Either way, the masked-up, vaccine-required house parties this fall are gonna be LIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTT…